It’s time to vote for Idiot of the Week for December 1, 2014! Up for the coveted virtual dunce chair on our home page this time: two sides in the same fruity story; proof that even Canada has idiots; and customers who will even buy bullshit on Black Friday. The winner will eventually get an award certificate to download and print, suitable for framing or folding into a paper airplane and launching at unsuspecting friends. We’ll get it designed sometime soon. To find out more about these grey-matterless nominees, check the links to details below the poll. Winner posted Monday!
The Candidates for December 1, 2014
Nathan Channing: While crossing the street in Fruitvale, Coloradio one day, Mr. Channing decided it would be a funny idea to wave a banana in the general direction of a passing officer. Obviously, he was wrong, because he is now facing two counts of felony menacing and could get up to three years in jail. Yes, it’s true: he was brandishing a banana in Fruitvale.
Deputy Joshua Bunch: Deputy Bunch arrested Channing for brandishing that banana. Yes — its true — Channing waved a banana at a Bunch. The deputy claims he’s seen guns in many shapes and sizes and colors, so a yellow banana could easily have been something deadly in disguise. Also, it’s not the object but how someone treats and uses the object that matters when it comes to charging someone with a deadly act. Also, we figure Deputy Bunch is just really tired of banana jokes being said about him his whole life.
City of Peterborough, Ontario: High-fiving the crossing guard is a huge no-no, according to city officials. If kids and crossing guards don’t stop this inappropriate touching, heads will roll! Maybe literally, because the city says the kids might trip and fall in the middle of the street and someone is likely to put an eye out or something. Stop that having fun and stuff. You’re going to school so act like it.
Cards Against Humanity Customers: In an amazing testament to the power of marketing, the makers of black humor card game Cards Against Humanity decided to make their statement about Black Friday sales by selling boxes of bovine poop labeled “Bullshit.” For one day, customers could get a box of actual cattle feces for $6.00. The company mentioned several times it really was crap, and the company’s co-founder Max Temkin reiterated, “If you buy the poop expecting it to be something else that’s not poop, you’re actually buying a valuable life lesson for $6.” The boxes sold out. Astounding. Way to go Black Friday bargain seekers!