A: A pulse. Seriously. A person without a pulse is going to be fun for only a short period of time. Yes, they never contradict you, or interrupt you when you are telling a funny story, but the conversation is pretty one-sided. You can’t take your quiet friend with you in public without causing a pretty big scene. And unless you were born without a sense of smell, your life-challenged playmate will soon become unbearable to be around. Most countries have pretty strict laws governing what you can do with a corpse and it doesn’t usually allow for going to the movies with one. Of course finding a friend with a pulse may not be much better. Most people with a heartbeat are jerks and are fully capable of getting you thrown in jail just as well as your grey-skinned acquaintance. Come to think of it, it would probably be best to forget about finding a friend and just go get a puppy.