Q: What should I do about my girlfriend’s video game addiction?

http://asktheidiots.com/wp-content/uploads/videogameaddiction.jpgQ: What should I do about my girlfriend’s video game addiction?

A: I have good news for you. Your girlfriend is completely human! Aliens are not susceptible to addiction. Now the bad news. She is likely under a form of mind control.

Electronic mind control is a technology that has been actively developed beginning with the creation of the first electronic device. Educate yourself about the US government’s mind control projects, the most important of which were MKULTRA and the Montauk Project. Pretty scary reading, huh?

So, at this point you have to decide, “Just how good of a girlfriend is she, really?”. Saving her, while admirable, will require a lot of work and time. Now you may be asking, “Scholar51, how can you be so cold”? When I first became aware of the alien infestation I had a girlfriend. She expressed some concern as more and more of my time became devoted to uncovering the various alien identities. I made no effort to hide my identity during my investigations, and one day I came home after meeting with some eyewitnesses of an “UFO” landing and my girlfriend along with all of her stuff was missing. Abducted! The aliens had noticed my efforts and were trying to intimidate me. That was when I began hiding my true name and decided to avoid all vulnerabilities such as girlfriends. At present my family has disowned me, which I see as a wise move for their own protection from alien reprisals.

If, for some reason, you decide to take time that should be spent resisting our hidden alien overlords to “rescue” a girl that would rather fight fairies and goblins than spend time with you, then you should find a professional deprogrammer. As you might imagine, I know a few people in that line of work so I might post an article on the subject in the near future.

It is important to remember that not everything weird is alien. Sometimes it is just manipulation perpetrated by alien sympathizers, or mind controlled automatons doing the aliens’ bidding. Decide what is important to you! Do you need the false comfort of an unreliable relationship, or do you avoid emotional weakness and devote your time to the salvation of all mankind?

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Scholar 51

Scholar 51

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