A: I am sorry to bear bad news, but you don’t. Statistics show that over 70% of all males and almost 60% of all females have cheated on their partners. Humankind is in a perpetual state of heat, and it’s difficult to fight nature. Monogamy doesn’t stand much of a chance — until now! Today we have a number of medications which can help!
I’m not prescribing that age old medicine known as “His Own,” by the way. Trying to go out and cheat to make your boyfriend feel as bad as you just will not work. The primal urges are too strong, and his level of empathy is smothered by a heavy helping of testosterone. Most likely you’ll simply end up feeling worse and eventually stay depressed for so long your brain chemistry actually changes. Then you’ll end up on psychiatric medication, and those are notoriously difficult to administer properly. Best to avoid anything that could harm yourself and stick to medicating the offender.
I suggest valium, a.k.a. diazepam. It’s an old but effective neuroinhibitor and its side effects are well known. It can also be easily mixed into food and drink so your boyfriend will never know why he has less need to wander and more need to sit on the couch watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. Manage it properly, though, and he’ll still be relatively effective around the house with chores and fix-it jobs. In fact, if tension and anxiety has been interfering with his work lately, this will help him. He’ll be motivated to do all sorts of things without a cloud of doubt hanging over his head. He’ll likely see you in a whole new light, too, and you might find roses and breakfast in bed waiting for you more often!
Diazepam has the added benefit of being available as a generic drug, so it is very inexpensive these days compared to other drugs in its family (like Xanax and Ativan). It can be difficult to obtain without a prescription, but some doctors and pharmacists have been known to assist in emergency situations like yours. Be sure to get a large supply because refills are generally not handed out so readily. Also, if you intend on still having sexual relations, you might add a viagra to the mix to ensure while your boyfriend is calmed down he can still get up and go.
The only way to truly deal with cheating is to take cheating out of the equation! Medical science has provided the means for us to level the playing field against Mother Nature. There is no longer any need to roll our eyes and say, “Boys will be boys” or “Girls just wanna have fun.” With the proper application of pharmaceuticals, you can be certain to maintain your relationship for a very long time!
