Q: How Often Do You Smile While Looking At Your Computer Or Phone?

A: I make an effort to never smile or laugh while sitting at my computer or looking at my phone. As a matter of fact I try to seem as miserable as possible anywhere there might be a camera. The only safe assumption is that at any point in your day you are under surveillance by one or more governments, and governments find it highly suspicious if people are too happy. I am not a subversive and I want all of those government agencies to realize that I am quite content to live with a general sense of sadness and unease. I especially want to avoid setting off red flags in countries that do not have transparent methods of doing business. Which, unfortunately, is now almost every country on the planet. Consequently, this is also why I almost always have a drink in hand. It is universally accepted that an inebriated person can be sad, but still exhibit joyful emotions as they suppress their melancholy with alcohol. My advice is to learn to laugh on the inside, sit stoically, or practice consuming large amounts of alcohol until you can still function while obviously plastered.

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