A: I would usually say that you should just be rude and damn the consequences, but I understand that there are situations where that would cause too many problems. Your initial thought might be to fake the death of either yourself, your spouse, or one of your adorable children, but that would be a mistake. If they are people that you don’t want to offend by being rude, then they are the kind of people who will want to stick around for the funeral. That could get quite complicated and very expensive. Your best method of getting people to leave quickly is to fake a nasty disease. Self-interest dictates that they get as far away as possible. If you are mildly allergic to something you can make it even more convincing. Eat a large amount of the problem food. The smell and sound of the violent torrent of diarrhea should drive even the most stubborn of caregivers out the door! Afterwards with a little allergy medicine and some rubber shorts you will be able to enjoy a guest-free home.
