Q: I was taught that you were supposed to be quiet in a movie theater, but lately the audience at the theaters I frequent have been holding loud conversations during the movies, using their cellphones, and generally being disruptive. I’m confused. Have standards changed without me knowing?
A: I wanted to answer this question because I have also seen this trend in movie theater audiences and, to a smaller degree, in audiences at live events as well. But I have good news! I see a very bright future ahead of us!
Unfortunately, a few individuals seem to be unable to separate the idea of viewing a movie in the comfort of their own home with being in a public space with other people who don’t necessarily want to hear all about their recent relationship troubles, or the sudden onset of a nasty medical condition. It seems that no matter how many pleas or warnings that the movie theater displays before the feature presentation the problem continues to grow.
Now, for the good news! Sometime in the near future this will no longer be an issue, except possibly in some dingy, backroom retro theater run by luddites who are unable to embrace our bright technologically enhanced future. Soon, through implanted bluetooth chips, neural jacks, or some more advanced technology, movies will be beamed directly into our brains! This will eliminate any outside distractions, and help us to remain in the comfort of our nice, safe homes without having to rub elbows with the unwashed masses.
Some people complain that this sort of experience will cause us to lead an isolated existence. This can be avoided by slightly altering the movie being projected into our minds to appear as if we are in a theater with a crowd of very quiet, respectful people. This way we still experience being in a public space without having the bother of dealing with other human beings.
So, in answer to your question, yes, standards have changed and people suck, but it will all get better soon when we no longer have to interact with each other and can enjoy our chosen form of entertainment in the privacy of our own headspace.
