A: Yes and no. The Loch Ness Monster does exist but it’s not really a monster. It is actually an attempt by the people of Scotland to produce a small inland submersible vehicle. This was discovered by a famous British detective and was fictionalized as it was believed that the public of the time period wouldn’t be able to handle the truth.
For all of their engineering prowess the Scots have been struggling with this tiny submarine design for over a century. It is necessarily tiny to be able to navigate small lakes and waterways, but this leaves very little room for oxygen tanks or air filtration systems. The original purpose of “Nessy” was to secretly invade England and win the Scottish independence. Technical problems plagued the underwater project for so long that the will of the people began to shift and the desire for independence faded. The minds behind the Scottish submersible were able to foresee the coming political climate and began altering their plans in the mid 90’s when they sent Craig Ferguson to sway the North American people to a more Scottish way of life and take advantage of an area superstition to extend the project to Lake Champlain. The deployment of a “monster” at Lake Champlain had one minor setback that resulted in the brilliant cover up of a sailor’s death by converting his remains into Ferguson’s skeletal “robot” sidekick, Geoff Peterson. Though the masterminds of the Loch Ness monster continued with the ultimately doomed political attempt at independence, their main plans changed to conquering the USA.
Both plans recently received major setbacks. The political attempt at independence failed due to a misjudgment of popular opinion. The USA invasion has come to a standstill because Craig Ferguson failed to sway the American people to become Scottish. Instead, he became a United States citizen.
Even though the Scottish separation and expansion have been stalled the world needs to keep an eye on them. The Loch Ness program is still being refined and may soon be deployed to a lake or other inland waterway in some unsuspecting and vulnerable country. Thank you for your question truth-seeker! We need more people willing to ask questions about and fight against the dark underbelly of human ambition!
