A: Be prepared to learn who is really in charge. You are not a cat owner. You are cat owned. Without realizing what you were doing, you agreed to reside under a dictatorship when you brought that adorable little feline into your home. I am not an animal behaviorist, but I do have friends who are ruled over by cats and I am a scientist, so I feel qualified to answer your question.
Like most dictators these furry rulers demand what they want even when it is not in their best interest. And usually what they want is to do the exact opposite of whatever it is you are trying to get them to do. You want them to settle down so that you can get some sleep? They will start playing with the noisiest things they can find. You want to decorate your shelves? They will deliberately bat your fragile figurines until they plummet to their death. You want to take your cat for a walk? It will suddenly become an inert mass of flesh that has lost all ability to move under its own power. You must become a master of illusion to trick your feline ruler into exercising against its better judgment.
You must have a toolkit of tricks to keep your cat motivated. Each tool in your kit will be effective anywhere from 30 seconds to 20 minutes on average. Once your cat gets bored with one tool you must be prepared to quickly and smoothly move to the next trick or you risk losing your feline’s attention altogether. Make sure to switch the order in which you use each trick each time you take your cat out for a walk. If it begins to detect a pattern your cat will begin to build a resistance and go back to ignoring all of your attempts to move it.
Your toolkit should include things on strings that you can shake around in front of your cat. You should always have laser pointers of various colors. Sometimes negative reinforcement is required. You should have a mini-recorder with the sounds of a vicious dog barking and growling to play behind the cat to keep it motivated to move forward. A spray bottle of water is also a good motivator when sprayed from behind. You may be inclined to try something like a low powered cattle prod to keep your little dictator moving, but I would advise against it. Cats are fighters. The harder you try to push them the more likely they are to resist at all costs.
This advice could also be useful when dealing with small children who also seem to think they run the household. I hope this helps in some small way. If nothing else, tricking your cat into doing something that you want it to do can help you to maintain the illusion that you are still in control of your own home. No matter the result, you can be happy you engaged in a scientific approach and reaffirm that science has some answers!
